Truth for the Good Girl

I’m her. I’m the good girl.

The girl who was born into a Christian home. The girl who memorized John 3:16 as soon as she could speak. The girl who never went through a rebellious stage. The girl who never had a boyfriend in high school. The
girl whose peers’ parents hoped their own daughters would hang out with.

Yep, that’s me. The good girl.

I’m not bashing my good-girl-ness, and I’m not boasting in it either. I’m just telling you that it’s my story.

Because here’s the other side of the good girl coin. (And if you’re a good girl, you can probably relate.) Somehow, along the journey of life, the enemy creeps in and begins feeding us good girls a bunch of lies.

Lies like:

  • Your worth is found in your goodness.

  • You’d better keep up that good girl reputation.

  • You better not commit a “major” sin or you will be worthless.

  • What would people think of you if you did anything wrong?

  • Jesus died for you, but only because you were already good.

  • Your identity is found in your behavior.

  • You are more valuable than other girls because you are pure and
    moral.

On and on the list goes. . .

As a good girl, I’ve lived under the weight of those lies. I believed that somehow my worth and identity was defined by my goodness. This left me terrified to make mistakes and shatter my good girl persona. I was carrying around a burden and weight that God never intended for me to carry.

Thankfully, one warm summer day, God opened my eyes.

The weight of my non-goodness hit me square between the eyes. My heart felt heavy and burdened. At twenty-four years old, I was beginning to see my sin and brokenness in a whole new way. And it you know what? It was freeing.

God’s gift of salvation was beginning to make sense. Although I’d believed and received Jesus Christ early on in life, this was a monumental turning point for my relationship with God.

Instead of trying to keep up my goodness and finding my worth in it, I more fully understood why Jesus died for me. Jesus didn’t give up His life for me because I was perfect; He gave it up because I was broken. Jesus knows I need grace and mercy. Suddenly I knew I needed grace and mercy, too.

God helped me see that I no longer needed to maintain my goodness to maintain my worth. I was fully loved by Jesus in spite of my sin.

This might sound basic to some of you, but it really hit me in a new way that afternoon. My prayer is that this blog might hit some of you in a new way, too. I want to take some time to share five truths that I believe
every good girl needs to hear.

Five Truths for the Good Girl

1. There are no good girls.

They have all turned aside; together they have become corrupt; there is none who does good, not even one (Ps. 14:3).

“None is righteous, no, not one” (Rom. 3:10).

Our standard for determining if we are good is not the other girls around us. It is Jesus Christ, our holy, perfect Savior. His standard of holiness is so high, none of us can measure up. Because we all sin and fall short of
the glory of God (Rom. 3:23), none of us deserve the good girl label.

2. Christ died for you, a sinner.

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved
us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with
Christ—by grace you have been saved (Eph. 2:4–5).

Jesus didn’t come to save perfect people. He came to save lost, hurting, broken, and needy people.

Jesus didn’t come to save perfect people. He came to save lost, hurting, broken, and needy people. Deep down we know that’s us.

He didn’t pay a partial price for you; He paid the full price. He paid the entire debt of our sin on the cross. We don’t need to earn our salvation; Christ did that over 2,000 years ago.

3. We’ve got nothing to prove.

He made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the
righteousness of God (2 Cor. 5:21).

Jesus is perfect. We are not. Let’s stop trying to show Him that we are “worthy.” Instead of trying to earn our worth or prove our goodness, let’s just accept His goodness. Let’s joyfully and freely bask in His love and
goodness toward us. We can stop trying to find our identity in our goodness and finally accept the new identity He’s given to us.

4. Express gratitude for God’s gift of salvation.

Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name!

Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s (Ps. 103:1–5).

Take some time to just stop and thank God for His amazing gift of salvation. Our God is so compassionate and gracious toward us. He loves us so much. He gave everything for us.

The more we focus on Him, the less we will focus on ourselves. The more we thank Him for what He did for us on the cross, the less we are able to convince ourselves that grace is something we could ever earn with our
goodness.

5. Reject all of the lies from the enemy.

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8).

The enemy is a liar (John 8:44).

Looking back, I can see that his lies led me to live under the weight of my own goodness. Since the Garden of Eden, he has warped the truth about our identity. He does not want us to find freedom in Jesus or to see our sin for what it really is.

Let’s be on guard and watch for the lies. Let’s reject anything that does not line up with Scripture. Don’t allow Satan to hold you to a standard that God does not hold you to.

Good Girls, Let’s Surrender

We are all broken sinners in need of a Savior.

If you consider yourself to be a good girl, I hope and pray you surrender that title to Jesus. None of us are truly good girls. We are all broken sinners in need of a Savior. The more we truly understand the gospel and our need for Jesus, the more free we will become. The less we try to maintain a certain image, the more we will embrace our new identity as a child of God who has been given grace we do not deserve.

Let’s surrender our good girl identity to Jesus. Instead, may we embrace our identity as a daughter of God and walk in the grace and mercy that He daily offers us.

Do I have any good girls out there?
How many of you have identified yourself as a good girl?
How does the gospel transform this label?

About Author

Bethany Baird

After a brief experience in the modeling industry, Bethany’s eyes were opened to how self-absorbed and lost her generation of young women really are. She and her older sister were inspired to start a blog (www.GirlDefined.com) and wrote a book Girl Defined: God’s Radical Design for Beauty, Femininity and Identity. Their passion is to help young women find God’s truth about beauty and womanhood and the freedom that comes from living a radically different life for Christ.

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate. We may edit or remove your comment if it:

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  • Tara Avery

    Hey, I just want to say thank you for sharing this! I’m writing my testimony, a talk, for a Christian teen retreat that I attend and this helped me. I’m not one of the good girls completely. Everyone thought I was but I made some big mistakes. So for my talk I needed to hear some of the things in here, and some of the verses. So, thank you!

  • Karen Elaine Fulmer

    Thank you for this! I hate to admit this, but I would call myself a good girl. But yet I am so prideful and judgmental, and yet like you’ve shared in your story, scared to do or admit anything I do wrong. Thanks for sharing the truth about us “good girls”. 🙂

  • Faded Ink

    To be honest, I do consider myself a ‘good girl,’ but quite opposite of this post I feel guilty of it. Because I have such a ‘good’ quiet life I unfortunately believe that I’m not worth as much as those who have major, or even minor, difficulties in their lives. Thank you for sharing this post.

    • Karina

      Yes! I can relate so much to this!

  • Bonnie

    Yep, that’s me. I am a self-proclaimed “good girl”. I have always struggled with it. I speak to fellow Christians who were “bad girls” but then had amazing transformations through Christ, and I feel less. I have never had such a radical transformation because I’ve always been a good little Christian for as long as I can remember. I sometimes wonder if I’m a true Christian at all.
    It is also hard because I know I am not good, but people go on and on about how nice and sweet I am. I feel like I wear a mask. I think that if Christians would share their struggles with one another, like the Bible tells us too, this wouldn’t be a problem. We would all understand how broken we are. Instead, we keep all of our feelings to ourselves, and so we always think that there is someone “holier” than us.
    Thank you for this post, we “good girls” often get forgotten!

  • Araba

    Sorry for this looooooong comment. but coming across this post
    immediately reminded me of this poem i wrote a couple of years ago, that
    really poured out my griefs of being a ‘good girl’. some friends of
    mine who had been in the world sort of seemed to ‘envy’ the
    ‘cleanliness’ and sort of considered me unworthy to understand or relate
    to their plight. i felt soo alone and wondered if it was even worth
    keeping it anyway. i hope this poem is something we all can relate to in
    one way or the other. Thank you Bethany! God bless you

    ****************

    Fellow believers, who had been too much in the world
    Seem amazed at ‘unstained’ hands of those who hadn’t been too much in the world
    A psychological theory works in their minds-I believe,
    So much for them to say; ‘You don’t understand O goody-two-shoes.’

    Let me re-phrase that;
    Don’t dare judge me,O-goody-two-shoes,
    When you talk about someone’s oppression,
    like they had no reason or will.
    For it’s a thin line that
    demarcates sin-
    So don’t talk like you have
    been there, O Ye righteous one,

    When the sin they committed,
    you have never done.

    I tend to sense this unspoken soliloquy a lot
    For I am the prodigal son’s brother, in the body of the LORD
    Ex-sinners seem to find it baffling,

    That ‘famous sins’ of the world hadn’t lit me ablaze as they were.

    Some perceive us as innocent…pure…untouched by the claws of the world
    So much our speeches and acts, sound like self-righteousness,
    That rubs on them, shaken together, and running over
    Because, ‘retorts’ are uttered in sort of ‘spirit-led’ rhetoric of;

    Don’t dare judge me,
    O-goody-two-shoes,
    When you talk about someone’s
    oppression,
    Like they had no reason or
    will.
    For it’s a thin line that demarcates
    sin-
    So don’t talk like you have
    been there, O Ye righteous one,
    When the sin they committed,
    you have never done.

    It is funny that we are seen in that light,
    When our Heavenly Father, sees us equal in His sight.
    He doesn’t care who did wrong or right

    Because now, we are ALL pure and Holy in Christ.
    It doesn’t matter whose sin is slight or has might-
    Because, (un) fortunately, all sin will be weighted,
    And will be judged the same, receiving the eternal blight.

    So who made you also a judge of me-fellow servant?
    Why must my sins, in your eyes look so irrelevant?
    You think I have the power to be subservient,
    But little do you know Satan pursues me the most, to make me insurgent.

    Tell them Father-tell them what I tell You
    Tell them what I go through

    When seeds of pride and scorn try to take root
    When You brought members from the wilderness, to be grafted in Your family tree

    Unending impulses to be angry, scorn or criticize
    Tainted vessels, brought into the Father’s storehouse.
    I strive to refute these thoughts to the feet of Christ
    And heed to His Eternal Words that say; “I should love.”

    To love the lost, and love you all the more-
    O ye survivor of the big, bad world.
    To love, despite deceitful voices
    That scream into my head that; “this isn’t justice.”

    When even a small goat isn’t given as a treat
    But the prodigals get the prized calf and a feast
    Let the scales fall off, and our eyes meet
    So you see clearly, we are in a dangerous feat
    To fall into the world, where you had your former seat.

    Lucifer prowls daily as long as he can
    Because he thought he was better than man
    So he didn’t understand God’s plan
    As to why He created Adam.

    Pride watered the evil seed that lurked inside
    And now fallen, awaits his eternal ride
    Thought he deserved and earned what he had in God
    So he knocks daily, awaiting us to re-act his cause.

    So, don’t scorn me as
    ‘Goody-two-shoes’
    Because, in this new life, we
    live in Christ’s rules
    Don’t make me, fellow servant,
    your intimidating force- the result of your muse.
    Because, even to God, our
    squabble does not matter
    As there are greater things to
    foster.

    Even if it’s true in your eyes,
    don’t judge me as Goody-two-shoes
    When you don’t know what it’s
    like to have that role-
    Where you must not judge or
    think worse of anyone,
    Because if I trust in my arm of
    flesh and say I earned it,
    Its impact can be a
    never-healing sore.

    So don’t judge me as a saint
    and you,…some tarnished bait
    When being like God always came
    with the price of dying-to-flesh…
    A destination which you and I,
    haven’t attained yet.

  • Karina

    Thank you so much for this. For years I’ve thought that I’m the only one who struggles with this “too good” stuff. Around me, everyone is feeling like they’re not valuable, and they’re all struggling with self acceptance, but no one ever talks about the Good Girl. The one who struggles with thinking too highly of herself. The one who thinks she’s above everyone else, but she desperately doesn’t want to be that way. Thank you!

  • Mariana

    Thank you for the post! I was always called the “good girl” of my church and the example, but it always felt like a weight they were putting over me and a responsibility. This is also kind like a target that people put on us, because when we do something wrong is also a reason for people to judge us. When the enemy attack me and I sin in my weakness, I think I’m not worthy because I’m the “good girl”, and we feel that the guilty is even bigger because of that, but we need to remember that our God is bigger than all of these things. We need to constantly reminde ourselves of His mercy and grace. So, this post was a blessing in my life!

  • Anonymousss

    I always tried to be the perfect girl, born in a Christian family. But I never was perfect enough. Hiding my depression and anxiety, hiding the ways id numb myself thru sex, self harming, drugs, cigarettes, bingeing and purging and starving, wasting money… Then I got my life on track again and didn’t need those things anymore, met a Christian man, loved him so much , until he broke my heart by abusing and raping me. Then I was self harming again, starving, and sleeping around. Even got pregnant; I miscarried.
    But I met someone who worships the ground I walk on. He is the most amazing man I’ve ever met. And Im once again getting my life on a good track. But this time, I’m not buying into the bullshit that god loves me. God hates me. He let my ex rape me, he let me go thru hell. So now I am living for my happiness. I love my boyfriend, we are extremely intimate and plan to move in together soon. I don’t care what others say anymore. And if they tell me I’m sinning and making god sad, well I’ll say Where was his when I was crying out to him to help me and make my ex stop raping me, where the hell was god when I was made to feel worthless and then harassed and scared out of my mind for my safety!! God can never love someone like me. So I’m gonna just try to love me, and my partner loves me. OK I’m done ranting now.

    • How my heart hurts to hear of the pain you have walked through and the pain you continue to carry in your heart. The sins of another can cause us to doubt the love of God. I don’t know why God has allowed this to happen in your life, but I know He cares and loves you more than you can imagine in your pain and grief right now. Please know I am praying for you. I know that won’t change anything you have gone through but by taking you to my Father, I know He can work in this very tender situation.

      “I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.” (Psalm 40:1–2)

      https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/where-is-god-when-i-need-him-most

      • Anonymousss

        Thank for your kindness. But god can’t love me. And I’m done with all those bible lies