What to Do When You Don’t Like Him Back

So a guy in your world likes you, but he’s just not your type. Then what? Here are six ways to reject someone well.

1. Talk to God before you talk to the guy.

Before you talk to the guy showing interest, take the situation to God. I couldn’t stand my husband at first. I thought he wasn’t my type. Just a few years later, I practically ran down the aisle to become his wife and now, seventeen years after saying, “I do,” I can’t imagine anyone being a better fit for me.

What shifted?

Honestly, part of it was simply maturity. What appealed to me in a guy as a young teenager simply didn’t wow me anymore as I got older. But also, looking back I can see the Lord softening my heart and teaching me to trust Him with my love life. I’m not saying it is true 100 percent of the time, but it is a possibility that a guy who seems to have nothing to offer now might make a great fit down the road. Instead of automatically dismissing him based on your feelings, pray about it. Here are some specific ways to pray:

  • Ask the Lord to show you how the guy bears the image of God (Gen. 1:27) and that he was made fearfully and wonderfully (Ps. 139:14).
  • Ask the Lord to teach you what makes a good husband beyond the initial sparks.
  • Ask the Lord to help you be more concerned about being a good friend and future bride than having the perfect guy.

2. Put every guy in the “brother” category.

Even if you don’t want to date him, handle his heart with care.

Because we are Christians, we get to join the family of God. That means any potential boyfriend who is a Christian is also your brother in Christ. (If you’re wondering if you should date non-Christians, check this out.) That means they deserve to be treated with the kindness and respect you would offer someone in your own family.

John 13:34–35 says it this way, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Based on how you reject that guy, will people know if you are Jesus’ disciple or not? Even if you don’t want to date him, handle his heart with care.

3. Refuse to talk behind his back.

Go on, slip into that guy’s shoes for a minute. Imagine you are the one who likes him and the feeling isn’t mutual. How would you feel if he:

  • Talked to all of his friends about why he doesn’t like you.
  • Asked a ton of people their advice on how to turn you down.
  • Blatantly posted on social media about the girls he does like.

That would stink, right? You don’t have to talk about him behind his back in order to send him the message that you’re not interested. Talk to God about it, and then talk to the guy about it. Cut out the middleman and refuse to gossip about the situation.

Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent. Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered (Prov. 11:12–13).

4. Don’t use him to feel better about yourself.

“I don’t matter more if a guy likes me. My worth comes from God.”

Let’s just get real. It feels good to be liked, right? Even if the guy who likes us is not someone we are interested in, the attention can be flattering. Because of that, we can be tempted to continue to try and capture that guy’s attention even if we have no intention of starting a relationship. That isn’t fair, and it can set us up to play a dangerous game where we gravitate toward any guy who will show us some attention.

So repeat after me . . .

“I don’t matter more if a guy likes me. My worth comes from God.”

Refuse to treat any guy’s heart like a yo-yo. If you like him, let him pursue you. If you don’t like him, refuse to send mixed messages just to boost your ego.

5. Deal with it face-to-face.

I know that hard conversations are easier to have over text or social media, but miscommunications can happen so easily in that context. If you’re not interested in a guy, tell him face-to-face.

6. Only build up.

To be a graceful rejecter, use Ephesians 4:29 as your guide.

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Don’t beat around the bush. If you don’t see a relationship happening, say so. But also take the opportunity to build him up (without being flirtatious). Do you see him living out his faith? Say so. Do you see him growing in Christ? Say it. Do you appreciate the way he has pursued your heart. Say that. Give him grace and build him up.

Have you been a graceful rejecter?
What can you do to let others down well?

About Author

Erin Davis

Erin is passionate about pointing young women toward God's Truth. She is the author of several books and a frequent speaker and blogger to women of all ages. Erin lives on a small farm in the midwest with her husband and kids. When she's not writing, you can find her herding goats, chickens, and children.

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate. We may edit or remove your comment if it:

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  • Chloe Konson

    Tip number 3 really hits home, even though I am no where close to dating. I think too often girls tell each other everything and now thinking about it from a guy’s perspective I can see how that would be hurtful when dealing with issues of the heart.

  • Leisha

    Loved it!!! Thanks so much:)

  • Elizabeth Williams

    I think a lot of girls will be glad to read this because I see so many girls asking that question “This guy likes me but I don’t like him. What should I do?”

  • Grace M.

    Number 4 was especially thought-provoking for me. I think so often we get into the mindset of, “It doesn’t matter who likes me, it would just make me feel better about myself if someone liked me.” We really have to think about the fact that our worth comes from God!
    -Grace (meyougod.blogspot.com)

    • Erin Davis

      Atta girl, Grace!

      God is crazy about you, whether a boy is or not.

      I’ve always liked Psalm 146:3 as a reminder of this Truth: “Put not your trust in princes, in a son of man, in whom there is no salvation.”

      Grace and Peace!

      e

  • Grace M.

    As a girl, I always go to my friends for advice. What do you think I should do? This guy’s really creeping me out. Stuff like that. But that’s not right. I know how it is when you like someone and they don’t necessarily like you like back. What makes the situation worse is when both people in the situation talk about it with others and it turns into gossip. I also know that when someone likes you, you sometimes feel better about yourself by telling yourself, well, at least so and so likes me. I’ve done that too. So I just want to thank you sooo much for this! Very timely. 🙂

  • Jesusfreak17

    This is really good, but how do you know if your being flirtatious or leading someone on? I have a good friendship with this guy, but he’s not a christian and I don’t want to lead him on but I’m not sure I’ll recognize it if I do. Any thoughts?

    • Erin Davis

      Jesusfreak17,

      That’s a great idea for a post. I will write it soon.

      Grace and Peace!

      e

      • Jesusfreak17

        Great! Any quick thoughts in the meantime? I’m meeting a friend I really care about but don’t want to date tomorrow.

  • Mindy

    Erin,

    If you haven’t already can you possibly right about how you and your husband met and courted. Especially about how the Lord changed your heart from when you met to when you got married?

    Tha ks!

    • Erin Davis

      Mindy,

      Great idea! Look for that post from me sometime in the future.

      e

  • Painting

    Erin,

    Could you right a post on how you know if someone that wants to date u or u want to date is who Gods wants you to date/have as a boyfriend or marry? Like how you know if it s who God want for you.

    Thanks!

  • Bookworm1

    Okay, this was helpful, thanks a lot! I do kinda feel bad cos I had to recently do this and I didn’t handle numbers 3 or 5 very well! 🙁 I asked my friends for advice, and my mum, cos frankly I was like ‘HELP ME!’ and I did it by text cos I thought it would be easier on him…. but it was more of a ‘I’m just making things clear that we’re just friends’ rather than a refusal of a date or anything. And we talked about it a little afterwards… and we still talk ok 🙂 so hopefully…. he’s understood!! But, yeah, it’s hard!

  • Madison

    Thanks for this post, Erin. The guy that I am currently dating I’ve known as a friend since 2011. At first, I wrote him off because he was “just a friend” and I didn’t have emotions for him in that way. God started to open my eyes to the fact that he’s a really amazing man and deserved a chance. Now we’re dating and, who knows, marriage bells may be heard rather soon.

  • joenia25

    Are there any other posts on how to deal gently with guys?? It would be very helpful.

  • wilson

    After being in relationship with Wilson for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that don’t believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I meant a spell caster called dr clement and I email him, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast a powerful spell on my ex and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm, My ex called me, surprisingly, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me back to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody that has a relationship problem, he we be a help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email:drakugbespellhome@gmail.com you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or any kind of problem, thank you once again dr for bring my husband back to me .I can never stop talking about you sir you can email him for your own help his email is drakugbespellhome@gmail.com

  • Kate

    I’m sort of struggling with this at the moment except I’m not sure if I like him or not. He’s told me he really likes me but I told him that I wasn’t sure how I felt about him and I wanted to give it some time. We’ve been hanging out for like 5months and its probably been about 1-2 months since he told me but I still don’t have a clear idea on whether I like him or I just want to be friends. I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to just keep hanging out with him and leading him on, but I like spending time with him. Any advice?

    • Carrie @ Revive Our Hearts

      Can you both enjoy one another’s friendship without expectation for something deeper, Kate? Are you willing to be honest with this guy and let him know you just want to be friends for now? If you’re not willing to be honest with him, is it possible you’re using his relationship to make yourself feel better?

      Praying the Lord will help you understand your heart motives, Kate. This post may be
      helpful to you: Be Careful with His
      Heart (http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/be-careful-with-his-heart/).

      Grace and peace,
      Carrie

      • Kate

        Thanks for the reply Carrie! Yes, we are both happy with just hanging out and being friends at the moment. And he said he is willing to wait quite a while for me to figure it out. We are very honest with each other and have made sure we each know exactly how the other feels. I’m just not sure because I really like spending time with him, but he’s really not the sort of person I EVER pictured myself dating. And I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing?

        Thanks for the article- I know for a fact that I don’t want to play with his heart which is why I’m so scared about hanging out and then the chance that I might decide I don’t actually like him.

        Appreciate your prayers 🙂

        • Carrie @ Revive Our Hearts

          You’re welcome, Kate!

          Really appreciate your heart to honor the Lord and this guy.
          Keep talking with those who know you both best — wise, godly input is so helpful and necessary in the process.

          Asking Jesus to help you rest in His tender shepherding and direction…

          Grace and peace,
          Carrie

  • Sarah

    This post is helpful!
    I met guy at college and he showed some interest. At first I was not interested, but I tried to think it again,trying to go slower, and try to give him chance because many of my friends told me to do so,but I just heard that he is spreading gossip about me..so I turn the situation up to God! He has comforted me in such a way!:)

  • Tiffany

    I am friends with a guy and I as far as I know we are just friends but he told me that he likes me but I reject him and I just want to be friends. Should I still talk to him or ingore him and ask him to not contact me ?

    • Matthew 7:12 says: “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” Bottom line, we should treat others as we would want to be treated. So, the question you need to answer is if the tables were turned, how would you want him to treat you?

      Letting him know that you just want to be friends is a very appropriate response. You may have to kindly tell him several times. You might consider saying something like this: “I am honored that you like me, but I am just not ready for a relationship. I value your friendship and I’d appreciate it if you would be content to just be my friend.” Do you think that might work, Tiffany?

      Serving Him,
      Lorree

      • Anna

        I would like to add one thing here – I would not advise to say “I’m not ready for a relationship” – it gives false hope. It’s not the same as “I don’t feel the same way”. He might understand it as “maybe later”. It would be unkind to lead him on, even unintentionally.

  • Joana Mae Pongasi

    hello.. can u make a blog about HOW TO HANDLE REJECTION, cause i am currently in that state right now.. there’s this guy i like so much.. he’s a christian.. even though God not wants me to tell my feelings for Him but i did.. cause i thought it would stop the feelings.. then eventually after telling him.. he got changed the way i kind’a thinks maybe he also likes me.. but then i found out that he got interested to non christian girl.. it broke my heart and i got bitter to him.. then God teaches me not to because it is hatred to someone.. then eventually my feelings went back towards him.. then he do things that i got confused with myself.. is he likes me now?? then i totally decided to tell him that i value the friendship we have.. and he agrees.. then that clarifies me at all that he’s just a sweet guy.. and my confusing feelings got hook up with me.. then i cried.. and now im laying it all to Lord Jesus.. 💔🙏🏻

  • And girls, make sure you tell yourself whatever you tell him lol!

  • Lizzy

    As far as telling him face to face, what if a guy asks you out over text? This happened to me and the guy was a good friend but not a Christian and I wasn’t going to see him again in person within the next month unless I went out with him. Should I have gone on the date just to reject him?

    • No. Going on a date to reject a guy is not kind or wise. If at all possible, even though he invited you out through text, it would be best to talk to him face to face so that no misunderstandings take place. It is so easy to read between the lines of a text and come away with a total misinterpretation of the original meaning. That is less likely to happen in a verbal conversation.

  • JoJo

    I haven’t been a grateful rejector recently. I felt I couldn’t, when older, Christian married men with children began to express interest or affection for me as a single.