Where Have All The Good Guys Gone?

Recently, one of our readers left this comment.

How do you overcome anger and frustration against guys? Not one single godly guy is a part of my life right now—not in the shape of a father, not in woman asking questionsthe shape of a guy friend, not in the shape of a brother, not in the shape of a mentor. I want to love the men in my church and my life like the Word commands me to, but I feel frustrated, disappointed, discouraged, and angry with the Christian men that I see.

I pray for the guys in my life constantly. I keep begging God to conform them to His likeness—to His character as the best of fathers, to His role as the most tender of husbands. I know that God is working and that, since I am praying in conformity with His will, He hears me, but how do I overcome such intense anger and disillusionment?

While I appreciate her honesty, my heart breaks for the pain and disappointment she has clearly faced at the hands of men. I can relate to some degree. My father left our family when I was ten. I spent more than a decade afterward untrusting of men and convinced that all men were destined to leave me, fail me, or disappoint me.

But the truth is, all men don’t leave. Just like they don’t all want "one thing" and they’re not all a bunch of emotionless robots. In fact, my heart started to change toward men when I realized that they are made in the image of God just like we were.

Genesis 1:27 
says, "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."

Men were made with the same precision and purpose that we were. They don’t have an extra animal chromosome or some biological difference that sets them apart to be less like Christ than we are.

Yes, men are bound to disappoint us, but it’s not because they’re men; it is because they are sinners.

Romans 3:23 reminds us that "all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."

That means every single guy you know will miss the mark when it comes to Christlikeness. They cannot walk out their faith perfectly, but may I gently remind you, sweet girl, that neither can you.

I worry that an unexpected side effect of encouraging young women to wait for God to provide the "perfect" guy to date and marry is the sudden realization that no one is perfect. Suddenly no one can measure up to the lists we’ve written and the kind of man we idealize, and we find ourselves feeling "frustrated, disappointed, discouraged, and angry."

Sometimes we look down our nose at great men because they aren’t perfect men.

If I could take the girl who wrote the comment above out for caramel lattes (extra whip please!), I’d probably ask her to list what she sees the guys around her doing right. None of us have perfect dads, perfect brothers, or perfect guy friends (Spoiler alert: you won’t have a perfect husband either), but there are many, many men in our homes and schools and churches who are following Christ and letting Him change them.

In fact, I think it might do us all some good to celebrate the men in our lives and to take a moment to recognize all of the ways they bear the image of God. They may never read it (this is liesyoungwomenbelieve.com, after all!), but it would do our own hearts good to recognize that while no man is perfect, many have a lot to offer.

So leave me a comment below telling me about the great guys in your world. Tell me about your fathers, your pastors, and your friends who are following Christ’s example. For every girl who’s ever thought "there’s not a single good guy out there," let’s prove them wrong.

Note: For those of you who truly have experienced hurt and disappointment at the hand of a man, be sure to hop back on the blog next Monday where I will wrestle with the difficult subject of forgiveness.

About Author

Erin Davis
Erin Davis

Erin is passionate about pointing young women toward God's Truth. She is the author of several books and a frequent speaker and blogger to women of all ages. Erin lives on a small farm in the midwest with her husband and kids. When she's not writing, you can find her herding goats, chickens, and children.

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate. We may edit or remove your comment if it:

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  • mmhmm12355

    There’s no way I’d get involved with this girl.

    She sounds like the type who will end up settling for a guy that she sees as “raw materials” that can be molded into her idea of a God/Father/Christ figure. No guy will ever come close, so she’ll remain discontented and unhappy.

    The author did a good job noticing this.