Why Did God Give Me This Feeling?

Why did God give me this feeling?

She wrote:

I have feelings for a guy friend. Feelings that I’ve asked God to take away from me several times, but for whatever reason, He has not. Why did God give me feelings I didn’t ask for? And what does He want me to do?

Short answer: I don’t think He did give you feelings for this guy.

I’m not sure where we got this notion that it’s God’s fault if we feel something we don’t want to feel. James 1:13–15 says:

Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.

How do my feelings line up with God’s truth? What does God’s Word have to say about what I’m feeling?

Yes, God gave us the capacity to feel, because He made us in His image and He feels deeply. But I don’t believe He feeds specific feelings into our hearts, like we’d feed a gum ball machine with quarters.

Our feelings ultimately stem from what we’re thinking and believing. Rather than asking God to take away your feelings, examine them the way you’d carefully examine your reflection in the mirror before leaving for school:

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect (Rom. 12:2, emphasis added).

God doesn’t give us our feelings; but we are wise to give our feelings to God. We see the psalmist doing this over and over in the book of Psalms. He pours out his feelings to God, and then he holds his feelings up to the truth of who God is and compares the two.

So the next time you want to blame God for your feelings, first ask yourself:

  • When did I start to feel this way? What led me to feel this way?
  • What am I thinking and believing that is contributing to this feeling?
  • How do my feelings line up with God’s truth? What does God’s Word have to say about what I’m feeling?

Then bring your feelings to God, taking them to His Word and placing them before Him in prayer.

Now it’s your turn. I’d love to hear from you. Do you believe that God is responsible for your feelings? Why or why not?

About Author

Paula Marsteller

Paula no longer tries to catch guys' attention by swallowing live goldfish, arm wrestling, and jumping down flights of stairs. (She's married to a wonderful man now!) She spends her days caring for her son, Iren, and writing for Revive Our Hearts. She's the author of Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl: On Her Journey from Neediness to Freedom, and she and her family live in New York. You can catch all her writing on PaulaWrites.com.

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate. We may edit or remove your comment if it:

  • * Requests or gives personal information such as email address, address, or phone number.
  • * Attacks other readers.
  • * Uses vulgar or profane language.
  • Dolly

    This is a great post. I have had problems VERY similar to this, and I always wondered why God wouldn’t take a way those feelings. Well, now I know!

    PS. PAULA!!! I am sooooooooo happy for you! I hope you have a terrific wedding!!!!! :):):):):):):):)

  • Amber

    I have a question. What if you have taken these feelings to God and he has told you to pray for this person because he might be the one for you? What would you suggest?

    • Blythe Hep

      “Pray continually”
      I found myself in this situation and often wondered if it was truly God or my emotions. Being guided by God and not your emotions isn’t easy, I often struggle with it. Would God really guide you by your emotions when He knows how unpredictable we are?

    • Obey God and pray for this guy. Pray for him as if he belonged to someone else – pray for his heart, his love for the Word, his ability to lead and serve others, for purity of his eyes, thoughts and heart, that he would love God more than anyone else on this earth. Then continue to take your feelings to God and surrender them over and over and over again. When it’s time for the right guy to come into your life, God will not leave you hanging. He will make it clear.

      • Amber

        Thank you so much I have been doing this.

        • I’m glad you’re praying, Amber. It is important to listen to God yourself. He will speak to YOU and tell you what He wants you to do. I don’t think it is ever wrong to just move forward very slowly, spending time in the Word, praying and waiting to hear from God yourself. Asking God to show you His desires for you is a good prayer. There is sooooo much in Scripture that we KNOW is God’s will – spending time with Him, prayer, thanksgiving, serving others, respecting parents – Focus on what you know is God’s will from Scripture and do those things consistently. You’ll never go wrong with this!

          • Amber

            Thank you so much! God bless

  • Confused

    I’ve definitely been struggling with this lately. I’m only in highschool, but there is this boy that I have been crushing on for 2 years now… He seems like he likes me too, but our parents wouldn’t let us date until a couple years from now. Sometimes it’s like God placed him in my life for a reason, he’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a guy. It’s just so hard to keep myself from thinking about him all the time, wondering if he really likes me too, and to stop my girlish fantasies from getting out of hand. Does anyone have any advice? I don’t have any sisters, and it’s hard to talk to my dad about these sort of things :/ thanks! 🙂

    • Me

      I would certainly say to continue to pray for your guys’ situation. My friend and I went through about 2 months of not being allowed to talk. Now, we are allowed to talk. Praise God! During that time, I kept praying and seeking God’s will. Hope this helps.

      • Chiffon

        Trust God! He knows best! He will do God will in His time!

    • Isabella Jo

      The best thing to do is much easier said than done. Surrender it to God daily. Every time you think about him, pray. Pray for him. Pray that he is constantly striving for a better relationship with Christ and preparing himself to be a boyfriend/husband. Then, pray for yourself. Pray that you are striving to be closer to Christ and preparing yourself to be a girlfriend/wife. Whether it is to this guy or not, it is an important thing to pray for guidance about. This guy is clearly on your heart. God could have put him there for you to pray for. If it wasn’t God, you should still pray, so you don’t really need to know if God did it or not. Just pray. 🙂

      This situation could go two ways. You guys could end up together and it would be awesome and beautiful because God was writing your story. Or you guys could end up finding other people that are a better match and it would be awesome and beautiful because God was writing your stories. Either way, it is a much a win-win! How awesome is that? It’s only like that if God is truly the one with the pen. His plans are perfect and unfailing. They will always be the best for us.

      Something I’ve heard before and love repeating to myself…
      “If I thought this guy was exactly right for me, imagine how much better the REAL guy (the one God has for me) will be!”

      Isn’t that an excited thought? Don’t get discouraged. Be excited about God’s plan for you guys, together or not!

      Love,
      Bella Jo

  • Friend

    God has graciously given a friendship to me and my one guy friend. We do like (have a crush on) each other; however, we feel our friendship is God’s will. We continue to pray for each other. We are certainly friends. I thank God for him.

    • Grace O

      Wow! I’m in that exact situation right now! My guy best friend and I have recently found out that both of us have a crush on each other. It’s been really nice to finally know that I’m not alone in what I was feeling basically this whole past year 😛 Both of us have talked to our parents and we’ve also been careful in what we say and do. So I agree, you can totally have a God honoring friendship with a guy and even like him a whole lot and be in God’s will. Thanks for sharing that Friend! It’s awesome to know I’m not alone! 🙂

  • D.d.

    I know God
    didn´t give me this feeling. Some people told me that it was dangerous for me
    to have a close relationship with a guy, even if it was a good one, even when
    we were encouraging each other. But I thought I was strong enough and now I´m
    feeling. And we became closer and closer, but he told me he didn´t want me to be his wife… and that´s why he doesn´t want me closer anymore…
    And I hate it, I know it´s the right thing to do, but he even ignores me and
    it´s like he hated me. I want to do what God wants me to do, but I don´t want him to feel or thing something bad about me… What do I do? What do I pray for?

    • I’m sure this is an uncomfortable position for you to be in. This guy may not know how to handle this situation either, hence the avoidance. The best thing you can do, D.d. is to back away, give some space and focus on your relationship with God. Spend time in the Word and in prayer. Surrender this relationship to God. Ask Him to fill the emptiness and loneliness you feel with His presence. Ask Him where He would have you invest your time and energy instead of in this relationship. Who around you needs a special friend like you? You need someone that can challenge you and keep you pointed to the Lord. I’m praying for you, D.d. God has a way through this – one that will be for your good and for His glory.

      And then you can learn some valuable things from this. It sounds like you have wise counsel in your life – those who warned you about getting too close too soon. Listen to them, D.d. God has them in your life for a reason. They can be a real asset to you as you talk with them and listen to their counsel. I’m praying for you this morning. May God comfort you and guide you as you make Him the center of your life.

  • Gabrielle

    Thanks for writing Paula!

  • Bookworm1

    Yes, it is definitely way too easy to blame God for the ‘wrong’ or ‘weird’ feelings we have and can’t quite get rid of or explain!

  • BeckyG2

    I know how you feel D.d that’s about how most of my relationships with guys go. I don’t really have any close guy friends and the ones that I have a crush on aren’t interested. I don’t get it.

  • OverthinkingIt

    And if your friendship with a guy has already moved to a new level like planning for marriage, which can’t be arranged sooner than in two years, how to handle “passion feelings” to your soon-to-be husband and “fantasies” that constantly pop up in your mind, after imagining which u feel really bad, but realizing that to go like that for two more years, fighting each day for peace of mind ,is such a struggle! and remembering about the times when you were single and didn’t even care and had no problem with it and could dedicate all your time to thinking godly things instead of lustful things, how to deal with it? How can i go back while in relationship to stay focused on God, rather than my own fleshly desires? this is so hard, everyday is like a fight. Is there any advice about that. Thank you so much, God bless you for your help.

    • Carrie @ Revive Our Hearts

      What you’ve described is one of the reasons a short engagement period is often best.

      Repentance involves not only confessing our sin, but turning away from it. Literally it involves having a change of mind. These two articles by Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Mary Kassian provide practical ways to establish hedges of protection in your relationship:
      · https://www.reviveourhearts.com/articles/personal-hedges/

      · https://www.reviveourhearts.com/articles/my-personal-hedges-worksheet/

      Honor the Lord in your relationship, friend. God’s name, His reputation, His Kingdom purposes in your life, and the display of His glorious gospel are at stake. Refuse to
      compromise.

      Grace and peace,
      Carrie

  • Mari truff

    I can’t stand the level of stupidity of this comment section.
    Are there actually people out there who do not have critical thinking abilities?

    Educate yourselves.
    You are all so pathetic, uneducated, ignorant women.
    Do you even know the word “university”?

    God doesn’t give you feelings. The substances called “neurotransmitters” do, situated in your neurons. Every person has billions of neurons in his brain and everyday trillions of neurotransmitters are being triggered because of our experiences
    Serotonine, Dopanine, Epinephrine, Norepinephrine and so on.

    If you have seen a handsome man and you like him, then your dopamine levels get really high.
    If you have encountered a bad situation then serotonine is being reduced.
    If you experience something adventurous e.g. parasailing then epinephrine is all over your neurons.
    And so on. I couldn’t explain this in a simpler way.

    Stop being ignorant and stupid, and instead of reading the Bible and other utter nonsense, I suggest you to read Science books. Read about Philosophy, Biology, Chemistry, Computer Science, Psychology. And instead of sitting in front of a screen reading bullshit, educate yourselves.

    I am a woman and I’m utterly blown by the stupidity and ignorance of this site.
    So you mean that if you like a guy, then you should manipulate your feelings and stop having feelings for him? WHY?
    You are biologically programmed for this, as he is too.
    Why would you change your nature?
    Evolution wants the expansion of the species. YOU HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED.

    I can’t stand the comments, honestly.
    JUST EDUCATE YOURSELVES.

    • Carrie @ Revive Our Hearts

      You are welcome on this blog, Mari truff. But your comments have been edited to
      reflect the ground-rules established for those commenting.

      HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not
      necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate. We may edit or remove your comment if it:

      · * Requests or gives personal information such as email address, address, or phone number.

      · * Attacks other readers.

      · * Uses vulgar or profane language.

      Grace and peace,
      Carrie

      • Mari truff

        So not one single argument over my arguments huh?
        It’s not surprising.
        What a hypocrite.
        So you think the right way to “help” women is to send them to a pastor or a godly woman. People who haven’t studied anything.
        Why not a psychologist who’s spent his whole life studying how to help people?
        Do you see the hypocrisy?
        Do you know how much of a hypocrite you are to spread these misconceptions to people who obviously cannot think for themselves and they are just buying anything from anyone?

        • xxxxxx

          Hi Mari,
          I just wanted to say these women are not hypocrites. My Dad is a pastor and I can sure tell you he studies. Hours every week. He studies the word of God, our God who has understanding far greater than the minds of humans, why? Because he created us, he is the author of creation. As good, right and necessary as psychologists are, I have Christian friends who are psychologists, they tell me and I agree that only God is all loving, all powerful, all knowledgeable. How amazing that the women who wrote this post are putting their own wisdom under God’s wisdom in his word, the Bible. How wonderful that God has given us the Bible which is his guide for how to live our lives in the way he designed them to be lived, that we might know his true purpose, plan and guidance for our lives. Instead of attacking these women, I encourage you to take your frustrations to God. Let’s not be angry with one another, but in love, build each other up through God’s word. In Christ, x

        • Carrie @ Revive Our Hearts

          No arguments, friend. But perhaps an explanation will be helpful to you.

          The purpose of this Blog is to point young women to the truths of God’s Word.

          We do that because we believe help comes best from those with insights, wisdom, and understanding. We also believe the greatest insight, wisdom, and understanding belongs to the Creator who has given us His Word – the Bible.

          We are not counselors and do not hesitate to recommend biblical counseling to those in need.

          We’re glad you’re here, Mari truff.

  • Rizalie Grijaldo

    Thanks for writing this. Ive been praying unconsciously with wrong words, until i read this. Thankyou for being a channel of blessing… 🙂

  • Sarah Lauer

    I really like this post, mainly for the fact that it points out ‘GOD IS
    NOT TO BLAME FOR EVERYTHING WE THINK/FEEL’. I know that girls feeling
    things for guys, especially guy friends, is a completely normal thing,
    but it is human nature, not God(unless, you’re old enough to be thinking
    about marriage and this is the man God has chosen for you). A great
    piece of advice my mother always gives me when it comes to ‘guy trouble’
    is this- “Everyone has feelings, and it’s not the end of the world to
    have a crush on a guy, The important thing is (a) to not dwell on those
    feelings or let them consume you and (b) to not act on those feelings,
    and to keep your purity.” I find her words help alot, especially in
    making me feel that I’m not a horrible sinner for liking some guy,
    because that is what’s naturally going to happen! The important thing
    that I am always reminded of to remember is that, we should not act on
    those desires or let them consume our thoughts. And not acting on those
    desires or letting them overtake our thought life keeps us pure.

    Yeah, that’s my two cents :/

  • Kate

    I don’t blame God for my feelings. I have asked Him to help me move on from a guy friend but it takes time. This isn’t the first time I’ve asked God this. I think I have these feelings because of how nice my guy friend is. But someday, I won’t be asking God to help me to move on from a guy. Thanks Paula!

  • Miss Kitty Crater

    Try loving the Lord more than anything or anyone. You may still have those feelings but they won’t be as strong